Daycare Biting, Hitting, and Challenging Behaviors: Parent Guide 2026

Few things distress parents more than learning their child bit someone at daycare—or coming home to find bite marks on their own child. Biting, hitting, and other aggressive behaviors are unfortunately common in early childhood settings. Understanding why these behaviors happen, how daycares handle them, and how to support your child can help you navigate these challenging situations.

This guide addresses both sides: what to do if your child is the one biting or hitting, and what to do if your child is on the receiving end.

Understanding Childhood Aggression

Why Young Children Bite and Hit

Developmental factors:

• Limited language skills
• Learning to express emotions
• Experimenting with cause and effect
• Impulsive behavior normal
• Poor self-regulation
• Copying others

Common triggers:

• Frustration
• Overstimulation
• Tiredness or hunger
• Defending territory (toys, space)
• Seeking attention
• Teething discomfort (for biting)
• Overwhelmed in group settings

When It's Developmentally Normal

Age considerations:

• Infants: Mouthing/biting from teething
• Toddlers (1-3): Peak biting and hitting years
• Preschoolers (3-5): Should be decreasing
• School age: Should be rare

Normal characteristics:

• Occasional incidents
• Responds to intervention
• Shows remorse (age-appropriate)
• Not targeting same child
• Not causing serious injury
• Decreasing over time

When to Be More Concerned

Red flags:

• Very frequent aggression
• Increasing rather than decreasing
• Causing significant injury
• Not responding to interventions
• Targeting specific children
• Accompanied by other concerning behaviors
• Older children (4+) with persistent issues

When Your Child Bites or Hits

First Steps

Don't panic:

• Very common in toddlers
• Doesn't mean your child is "bad"
• Doesn't predict future behavior
• Can be addressed

Talk to teachers:

• Get full context
• What triggered it?
• How was it handled?
• What's the pattern?

Working with Daycare

Collaborate on:

• Understanding triggers
• Prevention strategies
• Consistent responses
• Communication plan
• Tracking incidents

Questions to ask:

• What happened before the incident?
• Where did it happen?
• What time of day?
• What was your child doing?
• How did they respond?

Strategies That Help

At daycare:

• Shadowing during high-risk times
• More supervision
• Reducing triggers
• Teaching alternatives
• Immediate, consistent response

At home:

• Talk about gentle touches
• Practice using words
• Role-play scenarios
• Read books about feelings
• Stay calm when discussing

What NOT to Do

Avoid:

• Biting back (doesn't work, teaches biting is okay)
• Harsh punishment
• Extensive lecturing
• Excessive guilt-inducing
• Labeling child as "biter"

If Incidents Continue

Escalating concerns:

• Request meeting with director
• Develop behavior plan
• Consider professional consultation
• Evaluate if setting is right fit
• Rule out underlying issues

When Daycare Asks You to Leave

This can happen:

• After repeated incidents
• For safety of other children
• When interventions don't work
• Policy may require it

What to do:

• Understand their perspective
• Get documentation
• Seek evaluation if warranted
• Find more appropriate setting
• Don't give up on your child

When Your Child Is Bitten or Hit

Immediate Response

What to expect from daycare:

• Immediate first aid
• Incident report
• Notification to you
• Cleaning and treating wound
• Ice for biting

What they won't tell you:

• Name of child who did it
• Confidentiality protects all children
• This is standard policy
• Focus on your child's care

Processing Your Emotions

It's normal to feel:

• Angry and upset
• Protective
• Wanting to blame someone
• Worried about your child

But remember:

• The other child is also young
• Toddler behavior, not malice
• Daycare is working on it
• Your child needs calm support

Talking to Your Child

Age-appropriate conversations:

• Acknowledge what happened
• Validate their feelings
• Don't catastrophize
• Reassure safety
• Focus on healing

What to say:

• "That must have hurt. I'm sorry that happened."
• "The teachers helped you."
• "It's not okay to bite/hit. Grown-ups are working on that."
• "You're safe at school."

Working with Daycare

Reasonable requests:

• To be informed of incidents
• For incident reports
• For prevention measures
• For supervision during high-risk times
• For communication about what's being done

Not reasonable:

• Demanding to know other child's name
• Requesting other child be expelled
• Expecting zero incidents ever
• Asking teachers to punish harshly

If It Keeps Happening

Your child keeps getting hurt:

• Document all incidents
• Meet with director
• Request action plan
• Ask about supervision changes
• Evaluate if needs are being met

When to consider leaving:

• Daycare not taking seriously
• No improvement despite complaints
• Your child showing signs of trauma
• Trust is broken

How Good Daycares Handle Aggression

Prevention Strategies

Quality programs do:

• Maintain appropriate ratios
• Provide adequate supervision
• Reduce triggers (tired, hungry)
• Teach social-emotional skills
• Create calm environment
• Shadow children who need it

Response Protocols

When incidents occur:

• Immediate attention to hurt child
• Calm, brief response to aggressor
• "Biting hurts. We don't bite."
• Redirect to appropriate activity
• Document and communicate

What they avoid:

• Harsh punishment
• Shaming or labeling
• Excessive attention to behavior
• Telling other parents who did it

Communication with Parents

Both families should receive:

• Incident notification
• Age-appropriate information
• Action plan
• Ongoing communication
• Support resources if needed

Teaching Alternatives to Aggression

Building Communication Skills

Help children learn:

• Words for feelings
• How to ask for help
• How to say "stop" or "no"
• Waiting and turn-taking
• Expressing needs verbally

Social-Emotional Development

Skills that reduce aggression:

• Identifying emotions
• Self-calming strategies
• Empathy development
• Problem-solving
• Impulse control

Books and Resources

Helpful children's books:

• "Teeth Are Not for Biting" by Elizabeth Verdick
• "Hands Are Not for Hitting" by Martine Agassi
• "No Biting!" by Karen Katz
• "When Sophie Gets Angry" by Molly Bang

When to Seek Professional Help

For Your Child Who Bites/Hits

Consider evaluation if:

• Behavior is frequent and intense
• Not improving with intervention
• Older than typical (4+)
• Accompanied by other concerns
• Affecting multiple settings
• You're concerned

Who can help:

• Pediatrician
• Child psychologist
• Behavioral specialist
• Early intervention services

For Your Child Being Hurt

Seek support if:

• Your child is traumatized
• Fear of daycare develops
• Regression in behaviors
• Anxiety symptoms
• Sleep disturbances
• You need guidance

Special Situations

One Child Targeting Another

If your child is being targeted:

• Document the pattern
• Insist on intervention
• Request classroom changes if needed
• Consider if daycare can meet needs

If your child is targeting:

• Take seriously
• Work intensively with daycare
• Seek evaluation
• Address underlying causes

Biting During Teething

Different from aggressive biting:

• Related to oral discomfort
• Provide appropriate teethers
• May need extra supervision
• Usually resolves with teething

Group Outbreaks

Sometimes biting "spreads":

• One child starts, others copy
• Daycare must address systemically
• Increased supervision needed
• Usually temporary

Key Takeaways

For all parents:

• Biting/hitting common in toddlers
• Usually developmental, not character flaw
• Work with daycare collaboratively
• Focus on teaching alternatives
• Most children outgrow it

If your child bites/hits:

• Stay calm
• Work with daycare
• Understand triggers
• Teach alternatives
• Avoid harsh punishment
• Seek help if not improving

If your child is hurt:

• Support your child emotionally
• Work with daycare constructively
• Request appropriate action
• Don't demand other child's information
• Evaluate if daycare responding adequately

When to worry:

• Frequent, severe incidents
• Not responding to intervention
• Older children with persistent issues
• Underlying developmental concerns
• Significant impact on child

Remember:

• This phase passes
• Children are learning
• Both children need support
• Partnership with daycare is key
• You're not alone

Navigating biting, hitting, and aggressive behaviors is one of the more challenging aspects of daycare parenting. With understanding, patience, and collaboration with your childcare provider, most children learn appropriate ways to express their feelings and interact with peers.

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