Biting at Daycare: Why It Happens and How to Stop It

Getting the call that your child bit someone at daycare—or was bitten—is stressful. But biting is extremely common in toddler classrooms, and with the right approach, it can be addressed effectively.

Why Toddlers Bite

Biting is a normal (if unpleasant) developmental phase. Understanding the cause helps address it.

Common Reasons by Age

| Age | Primary Causes | |-----|----------------| | 6-12 months | Teething, exploring with mouth | | 12-18 months | Frustration, limited language | | 18-24 months | Overwhelm, claiming territory | | 2-3 years | Power struggles, seeking attention |

The Top 7 Reasons Toddlers Bite

1. Limited Language Skills

Toddlers feel big emotions but lack words to express them. Biting communicates what they can't say.

2. Teething Pain

Pressure on sore gums provides relief. Some children seek that pressure on anything—including other children.

3. Frustration

When they can't get a toy, complete a task, or make themselves understood, biting becomes an outlet.

4. Overstimulation

Busy, noisy daycare environments can overwhelm sensitive children, triggering bite responses.

5. Seeking Attention

Even negative attention is attention. If biting gets a big reaction, some children repeat it.

6. Cause and Effect Exploration

"What happens when I do this?" Young toddlers may bite to see the reaction.

7. Defending Space or Possessions

"This is MY toy" or "Get out of MY space" expressed the only way they know how.

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When Your Child Is the Biter

What to Do at Home

1. Stay Calm

Your child isn't "bad." Biting is developmental, not moral. Shame and harsh punishment don't help and may increase biting.

2. Teach Alternative Behaviors

• "Use your words: 'I'm mad!'"
• "If you're frustrated, stomp your feet"
• "Ask a teacher for help"

Practice these when everyone is calm, not in the moment.

3. Build Language Skills

More words = less biting. Label emotions throughout the day:

• "You look frustrated"
• "I see you're excited"
• "That made you angry"

4. Watch for Patterns

Track when biting happens:

• Time of day (tired? hungry?)
• Triggers (specific child? situation?)
• Location (crowded area?)

Share patterns with daycare to prevent incidents.

5. Ensure Enough Sleep

Overtired toddlers have less impulse control. Protect naps and bedtime.

6. Read Books About Feelings

• Teeth Are Not for Biting by Elizabeth Verdick
• Hands Are Not for Hitting series
• The Way I Feel by Janan Cain

What NOT to Do

• Don't bite back (teaches that biting is okay for adults)
• Don't shame or label ("You're a biter")
• Don't punish harshly (increases stress, may increase biting)
• Don't expect immediate change (this takes time)

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When Your Child Is Bitten

Immediate Response

1. Check the Injury

Most bites don't break skin. If skin is broken:

• Clean with soap and water
• Apply antibiotic ointment
• Watch for infection signs (redness, swelling, warmth)

2. Comfort Your Child

Focus on your child, not anger at the biter.

3. Get Information from Daycare

• What happened before the bite?
• How did staff respond?
• What's the prevention plan?

Managing Your Emotions

It's natural to feel upset. But remember:

• The biting child is also struggling
• Most daycares can't name the biter (confidentiality)
• This is developmentally normal
• Your child will likely bite someone eventually too

When to Be Concerned

Red flags:

• Same child biting your child repeatedly
• Injuries breaking skin regularly
• Daycare seems unresponsive to concerns
• Lack of supervision evident

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What Daycare Should Do

Best Practice Response

Immediate:

1. Separate children calmly
2. Comfort the bitten child first
3. Clean and assess injury
4. Brief, firm response to biter: "No biting. Biting hurts."
5. Redirect biter to another activity

Short-term:

1. Document incident
2. Notify both sets of parents
3. Increase supervision of biting child
4. Identify and address triggers

Ongoing:

1. Shadow biting child during high-risk times
2. Teach emotional vocabulary
3. Provide sensory alternatives (teethers, chewy toys)
4. Adjust environment if needed (less crowding)

Red Flags in Daycare Response

Concerning if daycare:

• Dismisses biting as "no big deal"
• Blames your child for being bitten
• Has no prevention strategy
• Same children bitten repeatedly
• Staff seem unaware incidents are happening

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Daycare Biting Policies

What Good Policies Include

Incident response:

• How bites are treated
• How parents are notified
• Confidentiality about biter identity

Prevention strategies:

• Supervision approach
• How triggers are identified
• Environmental modifications

Repeated biting protocol:

• At what point are additional steps taken
• Whether families are required to meet
• What support is provided

"Three Bites and You're Out" Policies

Some daycares expel children after 3 bites. This is controversial:

Arguments for:

• Protects other children
• Clear consequences

Arguments against:

• Doesn't address underlying cause
• Biting child needs help, not expulsion
• May just transfer problem to another center

Better approach: Intensive intervention before considering removal.

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Prevention Strategies

For Daycare to Implement

Environmental:

• Reduce crowding
• Create cozy calm-down spaces
• Ensure enough toys to reduce competition
• Provide sensory options (playdough, water table)

Supervision:

• Shadow known biters during high-risk times
• Increase staff during transitions
• Watch for pre-bite warning signs

Teaching:

• Emotion vocabulary curriculum
• Conflict resolution practice
• "Gentle hands" reminders

For Parents to Support

At home:

• Consistent routines
• Adequate sleep
• Language development activities
• Emotion coaching
• Avoid overtiring before daycare

With daycare:

• Share what works at home
• Report any changes (new sibling, moving, stress)
• Collaborative approach with teachers

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Timeline: How Long Does Biting Last?

| Situation | Typical Duration | |-----------|------------------| | Teething-related biting | Until teething passes | | Communication frustration | Until language develops (usually improves 18-24 months) | | Habitual biting | 2-8 weeks with consistent intervention | | Attention-seeking biting | 1-4 weeks once attention pattern is broken |

Most children outgrow biting by age 3 as language and emotional regulation develop.

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When to Seek Additional Help

Consider professional support if:

• Biting continues past age 3
• Biting is severe or causing significant injury
• Child shows other aggressive behaviors
• Biting doesn't respond to consistent intervention
• Child seems unable to control impulses

Who can help:

• Pediatrician (rule out sensory or developmental issues)
• Child psychologist or behavioral specialist
• Early intervention services
• Occupational therapist (for sensory issues)

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Sample Conversation with Daycare

If your child is biting, schedule a meeting to discuss:

Questions to ask:

1. "When does the biting usually happen?"
2. "What seems to trigger it?"
3. "What strategies have you tried?"
4. "How can we work together on this?"
5. "What can I do at home to help?"

Collaborative approach:

• Share home strategies that work
• Ask about their prevention plan
• Agree on consistent responses
• Schedule follow-up check-in

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FAQ

Q: Will my child be expelled for biting?

A: Policies vary. Most daycares work with families before considering removal. Ask about their policy and what interventions they'll try first.

Q: Should I find out who bit my child?

A: Most daycares won't disclose this for privacy reasons. Focus on how the situation is being handled rather than identifying the biter.

Q: Is biting a sign of a behavioral problem?

A: Usually no. Biting is developmentally normal in toddlers. It only becomes concerning if it continues past age 3 or doesn't respond to intervention.

Q: Can I ask for my child to be in a different room from the biter?

A: You can ask, but daycares may not accommodate this. Instead, focus on prevention strategies and supervision.

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More daycare guidance:

• Signs of Quality Childcare →
• Communicating with Childcare Providers →
• When to Change Daycares →
• Daycare Safety Checklist →